Neon Fan

Wasn't I just saying that the most flattering of all the neon hues is pink? Well, look at what happened last Sunday: 



Fan Bingbing at the Oscars

This is a lot of dress. And she is tiny. But, somehow, this really works. First of all, look at her face. It's really hard to make that look unattractve. While I don't love the fact that the lipstick matches, it has the effect of making her look even more like a living doll.  

I mean, that is a serious amount of silk satin. I love that the folds are very structural. she looks like a Chinese princess made out of hot pink satin origami paper. I have always felt that Asian are more sartorially adventurous than us Westerners, and this just proves my point. What Western actress can you think of that would have pulled this exact look off so flawlessly? Potentially Blanchett.

The inset of embellishment at the back adds a bit of textural interest without detracting from the rest of the dress and has the effect of looking like an obi being peeled away. Super cool. Marchesa works for her because it has the right amount of dreamy drama to compliment her looks and personality.

This is also an instance of great styling. you can plop the dress on her but, as we saw from Renee Zellweger, that isn't where you should stop. The hair has to fit the face and the angles of the gown, while keeping the head in proportion to the rest of the body. This beehive looks retro, architectural, Asian, and modern. all at the same time. Perfect. I maynot have chosen pink sapphires for the jewelry as I feel it tends to blend in with the fabric and lipstick, but I don't really mind it either. In this case, a contrasting color like turquoise could have been striking, but may have been a bit overdone on such a small frame.

In short, this is flawless perfection and I want to have this dress and wear it around my house and to Target carrying a mimosa and long feather boa.

Pale Girls at the Grammys

First of all, sorry for the delay in posting. I have been working on my Etsy store, VikingBeautyVintage, and have been doing a fair amount of writing for my book (yes, I am planning on publishing).

In return for putting up with my absence, I will give you a post chock full of Grammy Awards victories and fails as well as a surprise at the end. :)

 Alison Krauss

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Let's face it: country musicians are not known for good fashion sense. See: Twain, Shania; Chicks, Dixie; Judd, Wynonna and Naomi. Having said that, I do wonder why Alison here is wearing a hand-crocheted capelet/baby afghan. Mostly, when I see it I just wonder why. What is this piece actually doing? It's certainly not keeping her warm or camouflaging lumpy upper arms. It does look like a quality item, but I'm more concerned that she robbed the back of a nursery school sofa. what is this piece actually doing?

Joy Williams

I admit that I have no idea whether this lady is a solo act or part of a group and I don't know what types of music she sings. I'm going to go out on a limb and say country, because she seems to have a bit of Alison Krauss-itis. By which I mean that she appears to have stolen a wee lacy item, but this time she took it to make herself a Barbie's First Funeral gown. Points for keeping the makeup light.

Shelly Mooring of the band Leeland

No idea about this lady, either. To tell the truth I'm not a huge music fan, which is probably why I only recognize the people that I've seen on SNL. Regardless, this broad looks like she went a little too far with 'cutesy-goth' and ended up with 'I had a buy 10 get 1 free coupon at Hot Topic'.

Mika Newton

Allegedly, this one is an actress. She has clearly followed the funeral costume trend but, instead she decided to dress as the tartlet seen faking tears over her rich, 80 year-old lover's grave while trying to sneak a peek at the will.

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper as a menopausal tartlet and the dead man's former wife.

Bonnie Raitt

Bonnie here is awesome. Great voice and cool personal style with the little swatch of white hair. Very classy. I just wish she hadn't purchased her attire at a sale at SteinMart. I don't mind the pants so much I guess, but I do find them rather casual for THE GRAMMYS. The overgrown metallic sausage casing she squeezed herself into? Not so much.

Skylar Grey

I do not know her but I know I do not like her. 1) her hair is unforgivably flat, 2) she has caked on so much foundation that her skin looks like a wax figure, 3) she is matching her shoes to the carpet. And did I mention the lipstick? Dead dead dead. What with the Grammys and bringing out every one's morbid streak?

Katy Perry

Oh, well here's something decidedly not morbid. Katy does a lovely impression of a Smurf. Which is fitting since she voiced Smurfette in the movie. And yes, I know she's not pale in this picture ( I hope that's a spray tan, Katy), but she usually is so I figured I'd grandfather her in. I actually don't hate the blue hair on her. The dress makes me think of blue cotton candy, though, and then I start to feel slightly queasy.

Robyn

I love Robyn. She's funky and fun and sings dance pop and is from Sweden. She's like a sort of one woman ABBA in that I always want to dance to her songs whenever I hear them regardless of time or place appropriateness. And that's why I will give this a pass.

For more snarkily delicious Grammy commentary visit: The Fug Girls

Pale Girls at the Golden Globes

The Best

in ascending order

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

Great color, lovely texture. Michelle has an adorable round face and her gamine haircut and '20s headband give her a Gatsby edge that is unique.

Detail I Love: the belt. It's delicate, breaks up the heaviness of the fabric and echos the headband.

Jodie Foster in Armani Prive

Light teal blue with beading and a bit of interest with the edged ruffle. I don't feel like I've already seen this five times on five other women. I love that she has kept her accessories to the minimum, but her dark shoes are a bit of an eyesore. Nude or metallic, please Jodie.

Detail I Love: Her haircut, which perfectly flatters her angular jaw.

Emma Stone in Lanvin

This crimson and eggplant chiffon number is edgy and elegant and not at all old. Both colors flatter Emma's porcelain skin and her eye makeup reflects the rock and roll aspect of the gown without being heavy or harsh. Small earrings and strappy heels support rather than add to the look so that it doesn't look over styled. I love that the belt buckle gives it a Gothic edge, but I would rather see it mounted on a piece of black velvet instead of that heavy strap of leather.

Detail I Love: Beaded shoulders that are proportionate to her frame make her look like a warrior princess versus Melanie Griffith circa 'Working Girl'.

Shailene Woodley in Marchesa

Do I feel a bit like I've Seen This Before? Maybe. It is Marchesa, after all. But Shailene here is 20 and has a lovely figure and beautiful skin. Her face is not covered in makeup and her accessories are sparse. I applaud her stylist's choice to showcase her youth and natural beauty. 

Detail I Love: The baby-fine netting forming straps and covering her decollete make her look both sexy and demure.

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy

Jessica has a beautifully long neck and, therefore, can pull off a high neck like the one on this dress without looking like she's being strangled. The dress is also covered in pearls. I love that it doesn't have sleeves and reminds me of old school Calvin Klein tank dresses. I am not a hug fan of the large button earrings, but her bone structure and windswept hair keep them from looking mumsy.

Detail I Love: The teensy gold belt. It breaks up the solidness of the column dress and brings attention to her waist.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

This Woman. I just- I just can't. On anyone else, this would have looked like a Dexter-ish blood slide dress. Her personality and bone structure enable her to pull off a harsh slice of red at the neck. There's no cleavage, but she has a high side slit and the white satin shows off her sick figure. I love the addition of the red clutch. You can't see it in this photo, but Angie's wearing white peep toe shoes. Not Red. This is a Huge Deal. Red shoes and red bag would have ruined the look by making it too 'on the nose' Cruella de Vil-y. 

Detail I Love: That her lipstick is a blue-based red that is a different tone than the accent on the dress. This keeps it from looking costumey.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Scales to feathers in a metallic blue-black-green make Evan look like an exotic creature from a fantasy novel. This dress is like nothing I've ever seen and her brushed back hair, minimal makeup and lack of heavy accessories ensure that the gown is center stage.

Detail I Love: The bit of black tulle at the shoulders and neck look delicate and ladylike.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann

This color. The shape. The textures. The bracelets. The hair. This woman is from another planet and that planet's name is Flawless. Tilda Swinton is excited by fashion and her obvious love of design and craftsmanship make her a true joy to watch.

Detail I Love: That she folded over one of the lapels. It give the jacket a less deliberate look.

Nicole Kidman in Versace

When Nicole came out onstage last night I yelled "Versace!" at the top of my lungs. I couldn't contain it; I have designer tourettes. Nicole resembles one of those sylph-like art nouveau fairies bedecked in gold buttons. The architectural elements flatter her columnar frame. The decollete is interesting and her cleavage is contained. Small gold accessories support the dress and her long hair adds a feminine touch. No one else could wear this dress as well as Nicole.

Detail I Love: Everything

The Worst

in no particular order

Rooney Mara in Nina Ricci

I don't hate this, I just don't particularly love it. It's very, very severe and I worry that she looks Old. The neckline is actually lovely on her, but I would have preferred to see her in a color. Also, the poor girl looks terrified.

What Kills It: The dust ruffle at the hem.

Kate Winslet in Jenny Packham

I actually don't hate this one, either. You have to love classic black and white and the neckline and sleeves are awesome. I do not love that the white block is on the bottom-half of her body. She is heavier in her hips and I feel this makes her look a bit chunky. It's also a little old. I would love this on Helen Mirren, for example.

What Kills It: The black shoes. No. They take away all of the lightness the white skirt achieved.

Zooey Deschanel In Prada

Zooey, Zooey, Zooey. I like you. A lot. Probably more than I should considering you're getting Played Out. Your side-bangs are strange and so is this dress. I actually like the lime green on you. It's young and fun just like you, Zooey. But what is with the weird pattern on top and the black satin sheet on bottom? This is just odd.

What Kills It: The lacy peter pan collar. Chop off the top of this dress and make it strapless. 

Katharine McPhee in Donna Karan

I really don't care about Katharine McPhee. She seems nice, I guess but that's really all the farther I get with her. I will, however, be watching 'Smash', but that's just because Anjelica Huston and Commodore Norrington are also in it. I'm sure you're quite a good singer/actress, but honey. Why are you trying to disappear? You have no color. Anywhere. Not even on your face. In this dress even your personality looks beige.

What Kills It: The color. 

Dianna Agron in Giles

I don't Hate this dress. I just think it's Too Much for her. Take off the tiered lace bottom and add a long skirt of red chiffon. Much better. I just find all the laser cuts to be a bit dizzying and she doesn't have the presence to keep the dress from wearing her.

What Kills It: Her Mom hair.

Julianne Moore in Chanel

Oh Julianne, you look like a little girl who's gotten into her big sister's closet full of Black Swan tutus and put them all on at once. I know a peplum is in, but not when it's layers of dead black tulle around the hips. NOOO. Your face is gorgeous and I covet your hair. See kids? She has cut the drabness of the black dress by adding a flattering color, green, next to her face. Even emeralds, however cannot save this dress.

What Kills It: The entire dress and the boring black clutch.