Neon Fan

Wasn't I just saying that the most flattering of all the neon hues is pink? Well, look at what happened last Sunday: 



Fan Bingbing at the Oscars

This is a lot of dress. And she is tiny. But, somehow, this really works. First of all, look at her face. It's really hard to make that look unattractve. While I don't love the fact that the lipstick matches, it has the effect of making her look even more like a living doll.  

I mean, that is a serious amount of silk satin. I love that the folds are very structural. she looks like a Chinese princess made out of hot pink satin origami paper. I have always felt that Asian are more sartorially adventurous than us Westerners, and this just proves my point. What Western actress can you think of that would have pulled this exact look off so flawlessly? Potentially Blanchett.

The inset of embellishment at the back adds a bit of textural interest without detracting from the rest of the dress and has the effect of looking like an obi being peeled away. Super cool. Marchesa works for her because it has the right amount of dreamy drama to compliment her looks and personality.

This is also an instance of great styling. you can plop the dress on her but, as we saw from Renee Zellweger, that isn't where you should stop. The hair has to fit the face and the angles of the gown, while keeping the head in proportion to the rest of the body. This beehive looks retro, architectural, Asian, and modern. all at the same time. Perfect. I maynot have chosen pink sapphires for the jewelry as I feel it tends to blend in with the fabric and lipstick, but I don't really mind it either. In this case, a contrasting color like turquoise could have been striking, but may have been a bit overdone on such a small frame.

In short, this is flawless perfection and I want to have this dress and wear it around my house and to Target carrying a mimosa and long feather boa.

Smokey Eyes: Black Holes for The Pale?

Ellen Degeneres is in good hands

So here's the thing: we have been bombarded for the last 10 years by The Smokey Eye.

It's Sexy.
It's Smokey.
It's Sultry.
It takes 4 people, six eye shadows, an eye liner, and a psychoanalyst to achieve.

Apart from being challenging to execute, it also poses problems for the Melanin-challenged. Want to look like a raccoon? Check. Need a quick way to get your coworkers to ask where you got two black eyes? Check. Want to look like you're into Death Metal during a board meeting? Check Mate.

Breathe a sigh of relief, however, because the Smokey Eye is not unattainable for The Pale. We just have to adhere to a few rules.

Rule 1:  Unless you are going to a concert, a club, or dressing in costume DO NOT go entirely black.

Taylor Momsen

Little Miss Momsen up there is in a (pretty awesome, actually) Rock Band. She sings lead. Therefore, this look is acceptable on her. Now, do I wish she didn't do her makeup this way all the time? Totally. One of my greatest wishes is to catch a glimpse of a paparazzi pic of her leaving the Safeway wearing nothing but a light shimmer shadow and some Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers.

If you are using a black eyeliner as a base for your Smokey Eye, then make sure to layer some colored shadows on top to soften the look.

Rule 2: Please do not forget the rest of your face. Once we've lined, smudged, swiped, brushed, and blended we can feel like giving up on everything else. Revisit Little Miss Momsen. No blush, no lips, just a giant pasty face with bleached hair and black holes for eyes. Not attractive. It's just as bad when you remember your eyes an lips but forget than you also own skin. Exhibit B:

Kat Dennings

Lady Dennings here is rad. She's Pale, Curvy, and seems to have a cheeky attitude. The thing that ruins this look is that she looks like a Vampire Barbie Doll. And not in The Good Way. She has puce/mauve-tinged eyes, 800 year-old brick lipstick, and a dress that looks like a 1940's tablecloth. She has no color and no life.

Rule 3: Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to execute an ultradark Smokey Eye if you are over the age of 40.

Elizabeth Mitchell

E. Mitch is a beautiful woman who appears to have been led astray by a vengeful makeup artist. Shadow or liner on bottom lids tend to look heavy and can sink into Dark Circles (something we Pale know all about) and la in wrinkles. All of the discolorations your skin has picked up in the last near half-century will be brought to full attention with heavy undereye makeup.

What should The Pale be doing? Well, we should use colors to smoke out our peepers. Deep burgundies, purples, and browns bring all the same goodies to the table as do black and gray, just with far less baggage. Also worth noting: just because it's traditionally a dark look doesn't mean you can't use some awesome light to medium shadows and smoke them out. It keeps the look fresh and work-appropriate.


Examples of doing it Right:

Keira Knightley

Jessica Stam

Amanda Seyfried

Think that you can't wear a Smokey Eye is you are Asian? Think again.

Liu Wen

Fan Bing Bing

**all photos credited to their respective owners. none of these are mine.