Emma Stone's Mixed Blues (Bonus Andrew Garfield)

 

When I say that navy and red are neutrals and can be worn together with other colors I am serious.

First of all, the skirt is freaking adorable. Its 1960's secretarial vibe would normally lend itself to a pairing with a sleek button-down or even a bustier. I like that Emma has added super-trendy stripes to the look and, by doing so in the form of a t-shirt, adds a youthful edge.

The blue stripe of the shirt does not match the skirt. And it's cool. It's called 'tonal'. I don't love the sepia/sienna stripe in the shirt, but it acts as a nice, earthy base and works tonally with her hair.

To avoid that sepia washing out her complexion, she has added a turquoise collar necklace. It works well with both blues (more tonal) and looks great with the earth-tone. Plus, it's young and fresh.

As for the shoes: who doesn't love navy and red? The cut of the pump is flattering for her feet and legs and gives the whole look pizazz.

I guess that's just another 'Easy A' (wah-wah) for Emma Stone!

Dita Von Teese Wants Natural Beauty

So, I don't really know all that much about Dita Von Teese. Probably more than the average person, but that's just because I pay attention to stuff. To me, she is an embodiment of Dolly Parton's famous quip: "Find out who you are and then do it on purpose." She has her styling down to a tee and truly commits to her look.

Take off all her makeup and she's probably a very pretty woman, but lacquer her up and she is a bombshell. This is one thing I love so much about styling: that every woman, no matter how 'average' can find what really works for her and shows her to her best advantage.

This woman is almost 40.

Dita here has her own line of lingerie which goes into the plus sizes and up to a G cup. The little I know about lingerie tells me that going to G is not very extraordinary, but for a celebrity line I think it's pretty decent. She had women of all sizes walk the runway at her show and tweeted: "To set the record straight, my Von Follies lingerie show 'no spray tan policy' means NATURAL skin tones will be represented, pale & dark.''

Fabulous. Severely. I really, really love it. Pale =/= Ugly (or 'pasty').

Beautiful skin and she definitely has lines around her eyes and on her forehead. Awesome. She doesn't appear to be injected with fillers or paralyzers, either.

She's got a sort of Ava Gardner thing happening, and I adore the sharp red nails with half-moon mani. "I've had 2 years to sharpen my claws, mother; Jungle Red!"

Check it: 3 different-sized women wearing very similar garments (i.e. the 'plus size' one is not covered head to toe) and all of them look sexy, confident, and real.

The blonde in the back on the left? A bit heavy in the middle. The brunette next to Dita? Thick thighs. The lady on the right? Hips, baby, hips. Figure flaws? Oh heck no. They all look luscious.

Photos courtesy of JustJared.

Pale Girls at the Grammys

First of all, sorry for the delay in posting. I have been working on my Etsy store, VikingBeautyVintage, and have been doing a fair amount of writing for my book (yes, I am planning on publishing).

In return for putting up with my absence, I will give you a post chock full of Grammy Awards victories and fails as well as a surprise at the end. :)

 Alison Krauss

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Let's face it: country musicians are not known for good fashion sense. See: Twain, Shania; Chicks, Dixie; Judd, Wynonna and Naomi. Having said that, I do wonder why Alison here is wearing a hand-crocheted capelet/baby afghan. Mostly, when I see it I just wonder why. What is this piece actually doing? It's certainly not keeping her warm or camouflaging lumpy upper arms. It does look like a quality item, but I'm more concerned that she robbed the back of a nursery school sofa. what is this piece actually doing?

Joy Williams

I admit that I have no idea whether this lady is a solo act or part of a group and I don't know what types of music she sings. I'm going to go out on a limb and say country, because she seems to have a bit of Alison Krauss-itis. By which I mean that she appears to have stolen a wee lacy item, but this time she took it to make herself a Barbie's First Funeral gown. Points for keeping the makeup light.

Shelly Mooring of the band Leeland

No idea about this lady, either. To tell the truth I'm not a huge music fan, which is probably why I only recognize the people that I've seen on SNL. Regardless, this broad looks like she went a little too far with 'cutesy-goth' and ended up with 'I had a buy 10 get 1 free coupon at Hot Topic'.

Mika Newton

Allegedly, this one is an actress. She has clearly followed the funeral costume trend but, instead she decided to dress as the tartlet seen faking tears over her rich, 80 year-old lover's grave while trying to sneak a peek at the will.

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper as a menopausal tartlet and the dead man's former wife.

Bonnie Raitt

Bonnie here is awesome. Great voice and cool personal style with the little swatch of white hair. Very classy. I just wish she hadn't purchased her attire at a sale at SteinMart. I don't mind the pants so much I guess, but I do find them rather casual for THE GRAMMYS. The overgrown metallic sausage casing she squeezed herself into? Not so much.

Skylar Grey

I do not know her but I know I do not like her. 1) her hair is unforgivably flat, 2) she has caked on so much foundation that her skin looks like a wax figure, 3) she is matching her shoes to the carpet. And did I mention the lipstick? Dead dead dead. What with the Grammys and bringing out every one's morbid streak?

Katy Perry

Oh, well here's something decidedly not morbid. Katy does a lovely impression of a Smurf. Which is fitting since she voiced Smurfette in the movie. And yes, I know she's not pale in this picture ( I hope that's a spray tan, Katy), but she usually is so I figured I'd grandfather her in. I actually don't hate the blue hair on her. The dress makes me think of blue cotton candy, though, and then I start to feel slightly queasy.

Robyn

I love Robyn. She's funky and fun and sings dance pop and is from Sweden. She's like a sort of one woman ABBA in that I always want to dance to her songs whenever I hear them regardless of time or place appropriateness. And that's why I will give this a pass.

For more snarkily delicious Grammy commentary visit: The Fug Girls

Pale Girls at the Golden Globes

The Best

in ascending order

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

Great color, lovely texture. Michelle has an adorable round face and her gamine haircut and '20s headband give her a Gatsby edge that is unique.

Detail I Love: the belt. It's delicate, breaks up the heaviness of the fabric and echos the headband.

Jodie Foster in Armani Prive

Light teal blue with beading and a bit of interest with the edged ruffle. I don't feel like I've already seen this five times on five other women. I love that she has kept her accessories to the minimum, but her dark shoes are a bit of an eyesore. Nude or metallic, please Jodie.

Detail I Love: Her haircut, which perfectly flatters her angular jaw.

Emma Stone in Lanvin

This crimson and eggplant chiffon number is edgy and elegant and not at all old. Both colors flatter Emma's porcelain skin and her eye makeup reflects the rock and roll aspect of the gown without being heavy or harsh. Small earrings and strappy heels support rather than add to the look so that it doesn't look over styled. I love that the belt buckle gives it a Gothic edge, but I would rather see it mounted on a piece of black velvet instead of that heavy strap of leather.

Detail I Love: Beaded shoulders that are proportionate to her frame make her look like a warrior princess versus Melanie Griffith circa 'Working Girl'.

Shailene Woodley in Marchesa

Do I feel a bit like I've Seen This Before? Maybe. It is Marchesa, after all. But Shailene here is 20 and has a lovely figure and beautiful skin. Her face is not covered in makeup and her accessories are sparse. I applaud her stylist's choice to showcase her youth and natural beauty. 

Detail I Love: The baby-fine netting forming straps and covering her decollete make her look both sexy and demure.

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy

Jessica has a beautifully long neck and, therefore, can pull off a high neck like the one on this dress without looking like she's being strangled. The dress is also covered in pearls. I love that it doesn't have sleeves and reminds me of old school Calvin Klein tank dresses. I am not a hug fan of the large button earrings, but her bone structure and windswept hair keep them from looking mumsy.

Detail I Love: The teensy gold belt. It breaks up the solidness of the column dress and brings attention to her waist.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

This Woman. I just- I just can't. On anyone else, this would have looked like a Dexter-ish blood slide dress. Her personality and bone structure enable her to pull off a harsh slice of red at the neck. There's no cleavage, but she has a high side slit and the white satin shows off her sick figure. I love the addition of the red clutch. You can't see it in this photo, but Angie's wearing white peep toe shoes. Not Red. This is a Huge Deal. Red shoes and red bag would have ruined the look by making it too 'on the nose' Cruella de Vil-y. 

Detail I Love: That her lipstick is a blue-based red that is a different tone than the accent on the dress. This keeps it from looking costumey.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Scales to feathers in a metallic blue-black-green make Evan look like an exotic creature from a fantasy novel. This dress is like nothing I've ever seen and her brushed back hair, minimal makeup and lack of heavy accessories ensure that the gown is center stage.

Detail I Love: The bit of black tulle at the shoulders and neck look delicate and ladylike.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann

This color. The shape. The textures. The bracelets. The hair. This woman is from another planet and that planet's name is Flawless. Tilda Swinton is excited by fashion and her obvious love of design and craftsmanship make her a true joy to watch.

Detail I Love: That she folded over one of the lapels. It give the jacket a less deliberate look.

Nicole Kidman in Versace

When Nicole came out onstage last night I yelled "Versace!" at the top of my lungs. I couldn't contain it; I have designer tourettes. Nicole resembles one of those sylph-like art nouveau fairies bedecked in gold buttons. The architectural elements flatter her columnar frame. The decollete is interesting and her cleavage is contained. Small gold accessories support the dress and her long hair adds a feminine touch. No one else could wear this dress as well as Nicole.

Detail I Love: Everything

The Worst

in no particular order

Rooney Mara in Nina Ricci

I don't hate this, I just don't particularly love it. It's very, very severe and I worry that she looks Old. The neckline is actually lovely on her, but I would have preferred to see her in a color. Also, the poor girl looks terrified.

What Kills It: The dust ruffle at the hem.

Kate Winslet in Jenny Packham

I actually don't hate this one, either. You have to love classic black and white and the neckline and sleeves are awesome. I do not love that the white block is on the bottom-half of her body. She is heavier in her hips and I feel this makes her look a bit chunky. It's also a little old. I would love this on Helen Mirren, for example.

What Kills It: The black shoes. No. They take away all of the lightness the white skirt achieved.

Zooey Deschanel In Prada

Zooey, Zooey, Zooey. I like you. A lot. Probably more than I should considering you're getting Played Out. Your side-bangs are strange and so is this dress. I actually like the lime green on you. It's young and fun just like you, Zooey. But what is with the weird pattern on top and the black satin sheet on bottom? This is just odd.

What Kills It: The lacy peter pan collar. Chop off the top of this dress and make it strapless. 

Katharine McPhee in Donna Karan

I really don't care about Katharine McPhee. She seems nice, I guess but that's really all the farther I get with her. I will, however, be watching 'Smash', but that's just because Anjelica Huston and Commodore Norrington are also in it. I'm sure you're quite a good singer/actress, but honey. Why are you trying to disappear? You have no color. Anywhere. Not even on your face. In this dress even your personality looks beige.

What Kills It: The color. 

Dianna Agron in Giles

I don't Hate this dress. I just think it's Too Much for her. Take off the tiered lace bottom and add a long skirt of red chiffon. Much better. I just find all the laser cuts to be a bit dizzying and she doesn't have the presence to keep the dress from wearing her.

What Kills It: Her Mom hair.

Julianne Moore in Chanel

Oh Julianne, you look like a little girl who's gotten into her big sister's closet full of Black Swan tutus and put them all on at once. I know a peplum is in, but not when it's layers of dead black tulle around the hips. NOOO. Your face is gorgeous and I covet your hair. See kids? She has cut the drabness of the black dress by adding a flattering color, green, next to her face. Even emeralds, however cannot save this dress.

What Kills It: The entire dress and the boring black clutch.

Taking White Wedding To A New Level

Thanks again, Kate Middleton: The ivory bridesmaids' dress is huge.

Pippa and the flower girls

When I first saw Pippa walking down that aisle in a white dress I thought it was a bit odd but totally smart. Women all over the world were going to emulate Kate's wedding, and I was glad she didn't limit us to seeing every bridesmaid in lime green until the end of time. She chose a color that is always wedding-appropriate and timeless.

Is there any doubt as to which one is the bride?

White, ivory or nude bridesmaids' dresses look fresh and young. They look lovely on Pippa's tanned skin (ahem), and also beautiful on Pale girls.

Classical and Botticelli-esque

Three different skin tones, all glowing and ethereal

I predict this is a trend we'll be seeing for a long time to come.

Don't Be a Paleist

Today, I noted to an acquaintance that she was looking particularly tan after her Thanksgiving vacation. She beamed at me and said that her son told her she should stay tan because it 'makes you look healthy'.

You know that moment in TV crime dramas when the camera pans over a destroyed apartment, past broken picture frames and an overturned potted plant, finally coming to rest on a scantily clad young woman smeared in blood? You know how your first thought is "Oh holy cow, that chick's dead! This'll be a good one!"? Well, you knew she was dead and not just unconscious because the Makeup Department had spent two hours perfecting her gray, lifeless pallor.

Pale does not equal Dead, so why does Tan seem to equal Healthy?

Check out Nicola Roberts:

Tan, but her skin looks dull. And orange.

Pale. Skin is not dull, but luminous. Also, not orange.

I do think that her tan makes her gorgeous eyes stand out, but it also looks as if she bathed in a tub of iodine. Her skin looks lifeless to me. And orange. Very, very orange. In interviews, Nicola said that she used both tanning beds and self-tanner to get a 'bronzed' look. She has also said that she regrets this phase of tanning as she now realizes the damage she has done to her skin. She has Embraced her Pale and looks lovely.

Tanning is not healthy. This is irrefutable and I guarantee that no doctor would claim that UVR (ultraviolet radiation encompassing UVA and UVB rays) is beneficial to the health of human skin. Is it a great source of Vitamin D? Absolutely, but so is fish.

I resent the implication that I am not, nor do I look, healthy simply because my skin is pale. This kind of thinking is dangerous.

There is no healthy tan. The women who are willingly giving themselves wrinkles, thickened skin, and age spots have skewed perceptions of beauty and the very real risks to which they subject themselves.



My pale skin should look healthy, because it is.

Coats for The Pale: Anything But Black

I love this time of year. Chilly weather gives me a valid excuse to snuggle in my blanket and drink tea. i also have a soft spot for winter coats. A good coat lifts the winter blues and makes you want to prance around downtown.

But you know what's not-so-good? Boring black coats. Sure, they "go with everything", but that's really not the point. A coat doesn't need to go with everything. It wants to stand out. It yearns to say, "put me on and feel festive!" And are you really telling me that a red pea coat is going to clash with your enormous denim collection? No, it won't and you know it.

So, here are my picks for anything-but-boring winter coats in colors that are perfect for The Pale:

A Burberry-esque (or "Furberry" [Faux Burberry], if you will) pea coat is unexpected and smart. Avoid large patterns if you are petite.

Gorgeous Periwinkle evokes bluebirds and spring. Just the ticket to get you through the Winter Blues. Waistband gives a covetous hourglass figure. Avoid large hip pockets if you are pear-shaped.

Military styling adds wit to this grape-hued pea coat.

Olive drab gives the ladylike buttons and puffed shoulders a bit of an edge. Avoid shoulder details when yours are broad.

Perfect over comfy cords or an LBD, this skirted red number is feminine and a little retro. Think: Grace Kelly.

A modern pea coat with wide-set buttons and a stunning emerald shade is perfect for just about anyone.

A funnel-neck is a great way to combat the cold, especially if you can't stand wearing scarves. Short neck? Avoid.

Faux fur and a ridiculously cute flared skirt make this coat perfect for nights on the town. Marilyn would've done it.

Vertical ruffles elongate and the belt cinches. Perfect for large frames and plus-sizes.

Nautical-inspired toggles add interest to a casual red coat. Minimal pockets and lack of cuffs make this a great option for tomboys and girls who are more straight up-and-down.

Military buttons and pockets, edgy funnel neck and shoulders, feminine color. For the girl who wants everything.

It's no secret that I love menswear. Make a classic men's overcoat look less like you borrowed it off a bum and more like you did it on purpose by choosing one in a bold color.

Simple, English Country Elegance. Works for everyone.

Sugar Cookie Princess

Sometimes, I compare the colors of my clothes to food.

It's an easy way to learn color and is more descriptive than 'orangey-red'. 'Orangey-red' could mean a number of things, but 'tomato-colored' is much more targeted.

When I am trying a new color or am attempting to pinpoint the shade that would look best on me, I mentally assign the color to a food item. Then, I section that food item off into groups.
This makes it easier for me to classify the color and, therefore decide if it is flattering.

Example: Beige

Biscuity (neutral)
-garbanzo bean (warm)
-snickerdoodle (neutral)
-mashed potatoes (cool)

See? I realize I sound a bit nuts, but it works for me. So, that brings me to my photo topic of the day: Princess Charlene of Monaco.

Charlene Wittstock, Princess of Monaco

Looks like she stole Kate's nude pumps.

This outfit is the color of a sugar cookie. It's a bit on the cool side and that works with her ice-blonde highlights and fair complexion. She has also grasped one of the keys to making a monochromatic look work: texture. Her skirt is a different texture than her belted poncho, which is a different texture than her leather gloves.

In short, this is fabulous.

But, don't get too excited.

Princess Charlene and Prince Albert

We now have the Taupe Monster. Taupe does not have an assigned food because it is half gray and half brown and that's a pretty easy concept to grasp.

Now, I actually really like the dress. It's bold to swathe her strong swimmers shoulders in an origami napkin of velvet, but she is quite tall and carries it off. And I don't even mind the color as much as I mind her face paired with said color.

At least she has color on her nails...?

She could also use an eyebrow pencil.

She has no color. I mean, she's put purple on her eyes (which is a mistake in my opinion), but has nothing on her lips and no blush. She looks like a weird, unfinished mannequin. Ladies, this is why we need blush. And lipstick. Something. Anything. Help her.

And what is with the Tin Tin hair? That mess is so full of Dep it could withstand a hurricane.

And does her uni-sleeve have a thumb hole? That's a cute addition on a sweater or tee, but on a formal gown? No.

Tilda Swinton would have done this better. But I suppose that's unfair because, when it comes to fashion,  Tilda Swinton does everything better.

Charlene, you are both Doing It Right and Doing It Wrong. Kudos.