Dita Von Teese Wants Natural Beauty

So, I don't really know all that much about Dita Von Teese. Probably more than the average person, but that's just because I pay attention to stuff. To me, she is an embodiment of Dolly Parton's famous quip: "Find out who you are and then do it on purpose." She has her styling down to a tee and truly commits to her look.

Take off all her makeup and she's probably a very pretty woman, but lacquer her up and she is a bombshell. This is one thing I love so much about styling: that every woman, no matter how 'average' can find what really works for her and shows her to her best advantage.

This woman is almost 40.

Dita here has her own line of lingerie which goes into the plus sizes and up to a G cup. The little I know about lingerie tells me that going to G is not very extraordinary, but for a celebrity line I think it's pretty decent. She had women of all sizes walk the runway at her show and tweeted: "To set the record straight, my Von Follies lingerie show 'no spray tan policy' means NATURAL skin tones will be represented, pale & dark.''

Fabulous. Severely. I really, really love it. Pale =/= Ugly (or 'pasty').

Beautiful skin and she definitely has lines around her eyes and on her forehead. Awesome. She doesn't appear to be injected with fillers or paralyzers, either.

She's got a sort of Ava Gardner thing happening, and I adore the sharp red nails with half-moon mani. "I've had 2 years to sharpen my claws, mother; Jungle Red!"

Check it: 3 different-sized women wearing very similar garments (i.e. the 'plus size' one is not covered head to toe) and all of them look sexy, confident, and real.

The blonde in the back on the left? A bit heavy in the middle. The brunette next to Dita? Thick thighs. The lady on the right? Hips, baby, hips. Figure flaws? Oh heck no. They all look luscious.

Photos courtesy of JustJared.

Pale Girls at the Golden Globes

The Best

in ascending order

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

Great color, lovely texture. Michelle has an adorable round face and her gamine haircut and '20s headband give her a Gatsby edge that is unique.

Detail I Love: the belt. It's delicate, breaks up the heaviness of the fabric and echos the headband.

Jodie Foster in Armani Prive

Light teal blue with beading and a bit of interest with the edged ruffle. I don't feel like I've already seen this five times on five other women. I love that she has kept her accessories to the minimum, but her dark shoes are a bit of an eyesore. Nude or metallic, please Jodie.

Detail I Love: Her haircut, which perfectly flatters her angular jaw.

Emma Stone in Lanvin

This crimson and eggplant chiffon number is edgy and elegant and not at all old. Both colors flatter Emma's porcelain skin and her eye makeup reflects the rock and roll aspect of the gown without being heavy or harsh. Small earrings and strappy heels support rather than add to the look so that it doesn't look over styled. I love that the belt buckle gives it a Gothic edge, but I would rather see it mounted on a piece of black velvet instead of that heavy strap of leather.

Detail I Love: Beaded shoulders that are proportionate to her frame make her look like a warrior princess versus Melanie Griffith circa 'Working Girl'.

Shailene Woodley in Marchesa

Do I feel a bit like I've Seen This Before? Maybe. It is Marchesa, after all. But Shailene here is 20 and has a lovely figure and beautiful skin. Her face is not covered in makeup and her accessories are sparse. I applaud her stylist's choice to showcase her youth and natural beauty. 

Detail I Love: The baby-fine netting forming straps and covering her decollete make her look both sexy and demure.

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy

Jessica has a beautifully long neck and, therefore, can pull off a high neck like the one on this dress without looking like she's being strangled. The dress is also covered in pearls. I love that it doesn't have sleeves and reminds me of old school Calvin Klein tank dresses. I am not a hug fan of the large button earrings, but her bone structure and windswept hair keep them from looking mumsy.

Detail I Love: The teensy gold belt. It breaks up the solidness of the column dress and brings attention to her waist.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

This Woman. I just- I just can't. On anyone else, this would have looked like a Dexter-ish blood slide dress. Her personality and bone structure enable her to pull off a harsh slice of red at the neck. There's no cleavage, but she has a high side slit and the white satin shows off her sick figure. I love the addition of the red clutch. You can't see it in this photo, but Angie's wearing white peep toe shoes. Not Red. This is a Huge Deal. Red shoes and red bag would have ruined the look by making it too 'on the nose' Cruella de Vil-y. 

Detail I Love: That her lipstick is a blue-based red that is a different tone than the accent on the dress. This keeps it from looking costumey.

Evan Rachel Wood in Gucci

Scales to feathers in a metallic blue-black-green make Evan look like an exotic creature from a fantasy novel. This dress is like nothing I've ever seen and her brushed back hair, minimal makeup and lack of heavy accessories ensure that the gown is center stage.

Detail I Love: The bit of black tulle at the shoulders and neck look delicate and ladylike.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann

This color. The shape. The textures. The bracelets. The hair. This woman is from another planet and that planet's name is Flawless. Tilda Swinton is excited by fashion and her obvious love of design and craftsmanship make her a true joy to watch.

Detail I Love: That she folded over one of the lapels. It give the jacket a less deliberate look.

Nicole Kidman in Versace

When Nicole came out onstage last night I yelled "Versace!" at the top of my lungs. I couldn't contain it; I have designer tourettes. Nicole resembles one of those sylph-like art nouveau fairies bedecked in gold buttons. The architectural elements flatter her columnar frame. The decollete is interesting and her cleavage is contained. Small gold accessories support the dress and her long hair adds a feminine touch. No one else could wear this dress as well as Nicole.

Detail I Love: Everything

The Worst

in no particular order

Rooney Mara in Nina Ricci

I don't hate this, I just don't particularly love it. It's very, very severe and I worry that she looks Old. The neckline is actually lovely on her, but I would have preferred to see her in a color. Also, the poor girl looks terrified.

What Kills It: The dust ruffle at the hem.

Kate Winslet in Jenny Packham

I actually don't hate this one, either. You have to love classic black and white and the neckline and sleeves are awesome. I do not love that the white block is on the bottom-half of her body. She is heavier in her hips and I feel this makes her look a bit chunky. It's also a little old. I would love this on Helen Mirren, for example.

What Kills It: The black shoes. No. They take away all of the lightness the white skirt achieved.

Zooey Deschanel In Prada

Zooey, Zooey, Zooey. I like you. A lot. Probably more than I should considering you're getting Played Out. Your side-bangs are strange and so is this dress. I actually like the lime green on you. It's young and fun just like you, Zooey. But what is with the weird pattern on top and the black satin sheet on bottom? This is just odd.

What Kills It: The lacy peter pan collar. Chop off the top of this dress and make it strapless. 

Katharine McPhee in Donna Karan

I really don't care about Katharine McPhee. She seems nice, I guess but that's really all the farther I get with her. I will, however, be watching 'Smash', but that's just because Anjelica Huston and Commodore Norrington are also in it. I'm sure you're quite a good singer/actress, but honey. Why are you trying to disappear? You have no color. Anywhere. Not even on your face. In this dress even your personality looks beige.

What Kills It: The color. 

Dianna Agron in Giles

I don't Hate this dress. I just think it's Too Much for her. Take off the tiered lace bottom and add a long skirt of red chiffon. Much better. I just find all the laser cuts to be a bit dizzying and she doesn't have the presence to keep the dress from wearing her.

What Kills It: Her Mom hair.

Julianne Moore in Chanel

Oh Julianne, you look like a little girl who's gotten into her big sister's closet full of Black Swan tutus and put them all on at once. I know a peplum is in, but not when it's layers of dead black tulle around the hips. NOOO. Your face is gorgeous and I covet your hair. See kids? She has cut the drabness of the black dress by adding a flattering color, green, next to her face. Even emeralds, however cannot save this dress.

What Kills It: The entire dress and the boring black clutch.

Paula's Choice Sale

It's a 20-50% off sale at Paula's Choice! One of my favorite things about her line is that she always has some sort of sale going and very often offers free shipping on all of her orders.

Here's what I picked up:

Lip and Body Treatment Balm. I've gone through two of these in as many months, and I will tell you that my severe dry hands have improved drastically. Before, I could have weeks of completely lovely hands, but I was using heavy-duty steroid creams that made my skin horribly thin. This balm does not work quite as fast as the steroids, and I have a bit of patchy dryness, but It has worked absolute wonders. I wish it came in larger tubs.

Cuticle & Nail Treatment. I have not tried this guy before, but I'm planning on taking it to work and alternating between this and the balm.

Super Antioxidant Concentrate Serum. In your hand this looks like thick canola oil. On your face it is smooth and soothing and literally soaks into your skin within minutes. I wear it under my makeup and at night.

Cellular Defense Daily Moisturizer. For my mom. This has an SPF of 25, which is fabulous, and it also contains titanium dioxide which protects against UVB rays.  Delivers protection with the punch of antioxidants.

Don't Be a Paleist

Today, I noted to an acquaintance that she was looking particularly tan after her Thanksgiving vacation. She beamed at me and said that her son told her she should stay tan because it 'makes you look healthy'.

You know that moment in TV crime dramas when the camera pans over a destroyed apartment, past broken picture frames and an overturned potted plant, finally coming to rest on a scantily clad young woman smeared in blood? You know how your first thought is "Oh holy cow, that chick's dead! This'll be a good one!"? Well, you knew she was dead and not just unconscious because the Makeup Department had spent two hours perfecting her gray, lifeless pallor.

Pale does not equal Dead, so why does Tan seem to equal Healthy?

Check out Nicola Roberts:

Tan, but her skin looks dull. And orange.

Pale. Skin is not dull, but luminous. Also, not orange.

I do think that her tan makes her gorgeous eyes stand out, but it also looks as if she bathed in a tub of iodine. Her skin looks lifeless to me. And orange. Very, very orange. In interviews, Nicola said that she used both tanning beds and self-tanner to get a 'bronzed' look. She has also said that she regrets this phase of tanning as she now realizes the damage she has done to her skin. She has Embraced her Pale and looks lovely.

Tanning is not healthy. This is irrefutable and I guarantee that no doctor would claim that UVR (ultraviolet radiation encompassing UVA and UVB rays) is beneficial to the health of human skin. Is it a great source of Vitamin D? Absolutely, but so is fish.

I resent the implication that I am not, nor do I look, healthy simply because my skin is pale. This kind of thinking is dangerous.

There is no healthy tan. The women who are willingly giving themselves wrinkles, thickened skin, and age spots have skewed perceptions of beauty and the very real risks to which they subject themselves.



My pale skin should look healthy, because it is.

Dark Circles

You look tired.

Yeah, that's because I'm not wearing makeup. No, I'm not sick. Yes, I'm getting enough sleep. I did just want to enjoy my day off, but now I'm totally self-conscious. Awesome.

Does this sound like your life? Then you probably have dark circles.

Don't worry, plenty of Pale Ladies have them, too:

Katherine Heigl

Keira Knightley

Have allergies (seasonal or otherwise)?

Consider taking a daily allergy pill containing an anti-histamine. Reactions to seasonal or environmental  allergens can cause puffiness (and therefore, shadows) under your eyes.

Get less than 8 hours of sleep a night?


Try to go to bed earlier a few days a week. Make a date to hit the sack just like you schedule luncheons or workouts. Being well-rested is good for your whole body including your mood.


Not wear sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15?

Why not? Seriously. We know have iPhones, Google, the microwave, and cars that turn on without a key; we know about sunscreen. Anything less than SPF 15 is a waste of your time and money. Choose one without fragrances or dyes and put it all over your face (there is absolutely no reason to have a separate 'eye cream'). Lather, rinse, repeat.

Have Pale skin?
Don't change it- it's beautiful. Just invest in a great concealer. When I say 'invest' I don't mean spend googobs of money, just read the ingredients and be smart.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Clinique 'All About Eyes' $16

 

Shiseido Natural Finish Cream Concealer $25

 

Revlon Age Defying Concealer $10

Cle de Peau Concealer $70

Note: Many formulas work better when set with loose powder. Personally, I find that powder makes my skin feel too dry, but see what works best for you. Like most things beauty- and fashion-related it's a matter of trial and error.

Apply concealer to spots and under eyes with a brush.The Non-Blonde is a totally insane crazy person (in the most amazing way) about makeup brushes. Check out her favorites here.

Miss Fix-It

Karen Gillan

Oh, girl.

Girl.

Your skin? Flawless. 

Your hair? A lovely shade of ginger (and we all know how I feel about gingers).

 Might I suggest two things:

The Best Nude Shoes

Catherine "Kate" Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge

Would you like to have longer-, slimmer- looking legs?

If the answer is no thank you, then you should leave this blog right now. I can't help you and, frankly, you disappoint me.

If, as I expect, your hand shot up in the air quicker than Hermione Granger's during a Potions class, I have a solution for you.

Nude shoes.

I know. It's not novel or ground-breaking, but it does work provided you adhere to a couple of rules.

First Rule:

Choose the right hue. The way in which nude is most effective is when it matches your skintone as closely as possible. The Pale are typically best served by cool, ivory tones with either yellow or pink undertones.

Exhibit A

Too Light

Paris Hilton looks like she's a little girl on Easter Sunday. And not in the good way.

Too Dark

Hayley Atwell's tan court shoes are both too dark and too gray; they drain the life from her skin.

 Exhibit B


Consider heritage and/or ethnicity. A shoe that matches the skin tone of a black woman may be in the brown family. Mixed race or Latina will probably be caramel, and Asian or Mediterranean will most likely be a yellow or olive tone.

Lucy Liu does it right

Zoe Saldana is wearing tan shoes. They match her skin and look fabulous.

How The Pale do it:

You can't tell where Olivia Wilde's legs end and her shoes begin.

Anne Hathaway rocking a pair of Sam Edelman's

Emma Roberts

You're Doing It Wrong:

The black strap at Alyssa Milano's ankles shorten and thicken her legs.

Kristen Bell's shoes are too gray. The dress, lipstick, skin, and hair are all the same color. And that color is blah. As a result, she looks lifeless and the heavy eyeliner make her eyes look like black holes.

Inspired and want to shop? Here are some great options:
   

Pour La Victoire 'Rin'

AK Anne Klein 'Pipa'

Corso Como 'Palomar'
 

Ivanka Trump 'Bulbli'

Corso Como 'Python'

Jean-Michel Cazabat

J. Crew 'Jemaa'

Jeffrey Campbell 'Scide Bow'